Kindness is not just what you do, it is who you are. For you to be genuinely and continuously kind to your spouse, the love of God has to be in you.
Love is the nature of God, it is not just what He does, but this is who he is, that is why He never stops loving you.
With the nature of God in you, you have the ability to be helpful and kind. Notice God’s word says to love your neighbours as yourself, you can also say this means to be kind and generous to your spouse just as you would be to yourself.
Perhaps that might help in some way, finding out how kind you are to yourself. How do you handle failure, disappointments and delayed desires?
Are you quick to forgive yourself, or do you go blaming yourself, and go on in circles of sadness and self criticism.
Sometimes the way you treat others is only a picture of how you treat yourself.
God expects you to love yourself, be kind, caring, gentle, polite, favourable and patient with yourself.
How do you treat yourself? Treat yourself well, be tolerant, forgiving and generous to You.
The key to loving your spouse better might really be in you loving yourself more.
Ask God to show you how you have been treating yourself, you might be in for some surprises.
As you learn to be kind with yourself you will find it easier to be kind to your spouse.